Life 101

Do you sometimes feel like you missed that class?

You know, the class that everyone else somehow got the memo and showed up for?

The one where everyone else was taught all about how life works;

That class where everyone else learned the right things to do and say;

And how to figure out how to handle life and solve their problems and get what they need like functional adults?

Well, I definitely missed that class!

In fact, for many years I flailed around through life, feeling like a fraud…like everyone else knew something I didn’t.

And I believed it was all my fault. I spent every waking moment trying to figure out the do’s and don’ts, rights and wrongs, best practices for living life…and generally how to be a good and functional person.

All it got me was more anxious, more insecure, more depressed, more isolated, and more dependent on food and TV, and a whole long list of other things – that I knew “normal people” wouldn’t be doing…but, for whatever reason, I couldn’t stop doing…

No matter how hard I tried, there was always this feeling deep inside me – this foreboding sense of doom – that there was just something wrong with me…and that’s why everyone else seemed to have a clue what they were doing and I didn’t.

Whether I had missed the class or I was broken, either way, I knew one thing for sure…I definitely had no clue how to ‘do’ life.

But then I figured it out!

I figured out how to make life make sense.

And, now that you’re here, I can tell you one thing with confidence: if you stick around, you won’t have to live with that stress and uncertainty anymore.

123 Living is your own personal ‘How To’ manual for all the bits and pieces of life.

123 Living Fact:

You Need More Trust & confidence in yourself!

The truth is, that feeling of genuine happiness and confidence that you seek can’t be yours as long as you are missing key skills for figuring out who you are, what you want and how to know you’ve truly done your best to get it.

And that’s exactly what I’m here to show you.

What Neuroscience Tells You…

The human brain is literally hard wired to prioritize you experiencing the maximum ratio of happiness and safety possible in your day to day life.

Whatever you think of as the best way to feel happy and safe, that’s what your brain is going to tell you you should do - even if it’s wrong for you in the big picture, and even if some part of you knows that, as you’re doing it!

Do You Use These Common Coping Strategies?

How many of the following common human coping strategies do you observe yourself doing more often than you’d like?

• Eating more than you’re hungry for

• Not letting yourself eat when you know you are hungry

• Staying up too late

• Drinking too much alcohol

• Drugs

• Cutting and other forms of Self-Harm

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Isolating yourself

• Gaming

• Gambling

• Social media

• Serial dating

• Staying in chronically unsatisfying, stressful, or even abusive relationships

• Busy work

• Procrastinating

Do any of those hit home for you?

It’s quite common for people who don’t have confidence that they understand how life works – or trust themselves and their place in it – to engage in three or more of these coping strategies. And while they may provide temporary relief of the gnawing, nagging feeling of stress, they never solve the underlying problem…and just end up making you feel worse in the long run.

And there are many more common and harmful coping strategies that are the natural consequence of humans, just like you, not ever having been shown how to figure out the following 3 key elements of life!

The 3 Key Elements of Life

1. Where your feelings are coming from

2. How to meet your needs in the most honouring, self-respecting, efficient and functional ways

3. How to build truly safe, warm, fulfilling bonds

And that’s what I’ll help you figure out:

Who you are, what you really need and want in life, and how to get it in ways that make things better now, and in the big picture.

What Do You Need to Feel Truly Peaceful and Fulfilled?

And, here’s the deal - in order to do that in ways that truly bring you peace and fulfillment in life:

1. Trust in Yourself
   You must be able to trust that you can tell instantly when something is not feeling right or good to you.

2. Confidence That You’ll Find a Solution that Feels Right
   And you need to have confidence that you will find a solution that feels right for you and anyone else involved. You’re win-win all the way!

3. Think ‘Big-Picture’
   And, no matter how old or new or unusual that situation might be- you’re always keeping an eye to the future, to the big picture of how your choices and actions towards yourself and others, and what you allows others to say and do, in relation to you, will affect your bond with them, and with others, in the long term.

When you focus on the 1 2 3 of life, that chronic niggle, that sense of uncertainty that is with you far too often these days, is quieted. And instead you are left with feelings of peace and confidence that you have a place in life and you’re doing your best with it.

Life really and truly begins when you learn to solve problems in the 123 Living way.

123 Living is a guide for knowing you’re doing your best with how you care for and speak to and about yourself; how you relate to others and to the world at large.

It’s that class you missed all those years ago. Welcome.

123 Living Fact:

Like it or not, You Need More Self-Awareness

When I say you need more self-awareness, I mean real self-awareness, not just your inner critic beating the hell out of you for that thing you said or did…however long ago…that’s not self-awareness - that’s self-harm, however well intended…

It doesn’t matter how smart, beautiful, rich, competent, or popular you are…or aren’t…in order to live your best life and have more moments that feel good and less that feel bad, you need to start doing a few things a little differently.

1. Understand yourself and the people around you
   First, you need to be able to understand yourself and the people and world around you so well that you just know, in your gut, when something makes sense and when it doesn’t.

2. Figure out what you want and need
   And you need to be able to figure out, right away, what you want and need to do so that you can feel good about what you’re thinking or doing or what others are thinking and doing around, and to you.

3. Trust yourself to look out for you
   And you need to be able to trust yourself to look out for yourself; to take action in the most respectful and life-enhancing way for you and everyone concerned.

This isn’t just important – it’s actually crucial!

Because if you can’t figure this out, you will never have that nice, peaceful, flow in life that you’re seeking…you’ll just keep feeling like you do now.

What you might be feeling right now is…uncertain, insecure, and maybe even like you’re about to be found out as a fraud in some way – like an imposter, posing as someone who has a clue…

Maybe you even feel impatient and angry with yourself, or with others around you.

All those stressful feelings that you’re having, because you don’t have that confidence in yourself, just make things worse…and around and around you go…

At least that’s how I felt until I learned the basics of how life works – and then life just started making sense.

123 Living Fact:

If you feel anxious and uncertain, it Must mean something’s wrong!

It might be the situation itself; it might be what is being asked of you; it might be who is involved and how you feel about them or they about you; it might be the timing; it might be something else entirely. It might even be assumptions you’re making and not even what’s really happening.

And whatever it is that is making you feel anxious or stressed or insecure, it might actually be something really big and insurmountable or it might be something very small and easily remedied. Or anywhere in between.

But whatever it is, if you’re feeling anxious – it means that something doesn’t feel right to you.

But, what do you do when you feel anxious or uncertain about something?

I’ll bet that what you do now looks something like, saying yes, moving forward, taking action, making decisions, agreeing to things that others asked or expected of you, all while, deep inside you feel anxious or uncertain or even downright resistant to what you are saying yes to!

And I’ll bet that tendency to say yes, no matter how good your intention, actually causes you a lot of stress.

Why it Matters: Learning to Say No

• Self-trust
  When you are not able to trust yourself to know when it’s perfectly reasonable to say no, and how to do so in the most considerate and beneficial way possible, you don’t trust yourself to have your back.

• Self-esteem
  And without that trust, you have no foundation for your own self-esteem to build and grow.

You might even feel like you don’t even know who you are or know what you really want or need or feel or think…because you’re so used to just either doing what others tell or ask you to! Or doing the exact opposite just to have some power, or hiding out and isolating so you don’t have to deal with saying yes or no to anyone...

But neither of those ‘solutions’ are going to get you to that place of self-confidence and peace, where you just feel like your mojo is working nicely.

How do I know this Is true?

Well, isn’t that what you’ve been doing all this time?

You have very likely been telling yourself you have to ‘feel the fear and doing it anyway’ without understanding the principle behind what that even means.

Without knowing how to tell when you’re damn right to feel fear and you should damn well be saying no, how can you even know when it’s right to say yes?

• Just because someone else would be happy?

• Because someone else says you should?

That’s what we call codependence, not interdependence. That is not a recipe for a healthy you, nor is it a recipe for a healthy relationship where you feel there is mutual trust, safety and respect.

But it’s all you know how to do…and, despite years of you really and truly trying your best to get it right, I’ll bet it’s cost you dearly.

You’ve been living as though people have the right to expect you to do everything perfectly, and that even if what they’re asking feels unfair you can’t call them out on their expectations. And you certainly can’t tell them that you’re overwhelmed or scared or don’t have a clue what you are doing.

‘Fake it til you make it.’ Right? :(

Are You Done Fooling Yourself?

I’ll bet you’ve become pretty good at pretending to the outside world that you’re not feeling anxious or insecure.

Maybe you can even fool yourself…for a bit.

Maybe you’ve also become pretty masterful at –

• hiding out (physically and emotionally…)

• avoiding people and things

• numbing yourself to it all with food, drink, screens…

• having a well intended, but doomed to fail, self-commitment that, whatever it is…you’ll do it differently next time...

Whatever the coping strategies for surviving that you have mastered, you’re here because you are tired of feeling like a fraud, or an imposter, about to be discovered at any moment.

• You don’t want to keep waking up feeling anxious and riddled with guilt or stress!

• You want to wake to each morning feeling peaceful and excited about what’s to come!

• You are ready to tackle whatever life brings feeling like a true grown up: Grounded, secure in yourself and with patience to spare for the world out there.

• You’re ready to feel confident, no matter who’s around you or what you’re doing.

And I’m here to show you how!

Right now, wouldn’t you agree that more often than not, you don’t know how to tell what’s true and right for you?

So, you don’t know how to trust yourself to get what you need with confidence.

And you go through a lot more down days and stressful moments than you’d like to!

Or need to…!

123 Living will show you how to trust yourself to have your back, and how to build strong, healthy relationships at the same time!

123 Living Fact:

There’s always a solution!

You’re feeling overwhelmed by life and assuming that it’s you – you missed that class!

You’re thinking it’s just how it is, or even worse, it’s just how you were born, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Well, the truth is, I’ve been practicing this foundation to life for decades and I’ve helped literally thousands of people through this process - and guess what!?

There is always a solution!

And it’s always so much easier than you think.

In fact, the solution to your problems, is so simple and straight forward it’s going to shock you - but in a good way! I promise!

You’ll be so glad to be where you are when you figure this out for yourself, it won’t matter how much time you spent stuck - you’ll be happy and at peace and feeling confident and you’ll be going after the things that really matter in your life!

For over 25 years, I’ve been helping people from all walks of life, find lasting solutions to all sorts of problems, and I am here to help you.

I have designed this program to provide you with the things that I’ve seen time and time and time again, that everyone needs. The How To for life.

What you’ll learn with me:

I’ll show you how to…

• Stop doing, thinking, feeling those things you don’t want to do, think or feel anymore.

• Figure out who you really are! What your true needs and desires are, in any situation.

• Experience the inner peace and confidence of knowing that you can trust yourself, every moment of every day.

• Know, in an instant, what is reasonable of someone to ask of you and what isn’t. And what to do either way so you feel good about yourself.

• Know, when you wake up each morning, that you are going to consistently show up as the person you can be most proud of when you go to bed that night.

• Have so much comfort and ease in who you are, and how you’re living your life, that you can look everyone you meet, in the eye, greet them with warmth, and not take anything they say, or do, personally.

If that sounds like something you’d like to experience…well then, welcome to Life 101!

Or, as we call it, 123 Living.

It’s Okay If You Don’t Want This

And, just a note to those of you who do not feel like that kind of peace and ease and confidence and connectedness and security would be of interest…

Maybe it seems boring…or stupid…or impossible, or just not for you.

If you don’t want those things for yourself now, or ever – that’s okay.

Neuroscience has shown that some people genuinely feel better when they are stressed or causing others stress.

Yes! It’s true.

For some people, the wiring of their brains is such that pain or suffering, theirs or that of others, actually releases dopamine, the happy hormone!

In fact, for some, the experience of pain releases twice the amount of happy hormone than they’d get from things that bring the average person pleasure.

And so, to feel anxiety or worry, or uncertainty, legitimately feels better to those people than what they would otherwise feel, which is either nothing, or sadness, or loneliness.

…But hear this:

Neuroscience has also shown that people who feel have this kind of backwards wiring usually do so as a result of trauma and or neglect.

This means, it’s not in your genes, or how you were born.

It’s a learned, and now instinctive, physiological reaction to pain, that developed in your younger years to help you cope with the uncertainty and stress and neglect of your needs that you experienced at some time in your past.

In fact, there are only about 2% of the population that are born, genetically wired, to experience pleasure at the pain of others or of themselves. They are called sociopaths.

Some sociopaths are highly functional in society – in fact, it is deemed by clinical studies that many people in positions of great leadership, including fortune 500 CEO’s and politicians! – are sociopathic.

And most do use their limitations as strengths and build some pretty amazing things and make the world a better place.

Even if they don’t quite fit with most people, they can make their life highly successful when they understand how they approach the world and what to do to have easier relationships with others.

A very small percentage of that 2% of humanity, are nasty pieces of work, however. These are the serial abusers or even killers. And no matter how uncertain of yourself and what you’re all about, it’s highly unlikely that this is you. I think it’s safe to say that if you’re over the age of 20, you’d know by now…

Is There Something Wrong With You?

No!

Even if you’ve wondered whether there might be something truly wrong or broken, beyond repair, in you, that makes you think and feel and do the things your do; the facts are, there are waaaay more people who struggle with feelings of disconnection and confusion about the world and relationships, as the result of abuse and neglect.

And most of the powerlessness and loss of control you will experience in life happens when we are kids, sadly, when you are most vulnerable because you genuinely have the least power you’ll ever have in life and your brain isn’t fully developed yet so you can’t really understand what’s happening around you.

And that’s really scary.

What Happens When You’re Scared?

When we’re scared, our brain, which neuroscience has shown is hardwired to do whatever it needs to do to find ways to help you feel happy and safe, has a bit of a twisted tendency to blame you for whatever is going on – so that you might feel some sense of power and control over whether it happens again. Even a pipe dream built on nothing feels better than the truth sometimes. Especially when we’re little and powerless.

• You didn’t ask for those things to happen.

• You did not choose that scenario or have any power at all over how healthy or functional the people around you were.

• You did not choose where you found yourself and how others cared for you.

• You didn’t even really get to choose how you reacted in those situations, actually!

• As a child and teenager, you were far more driven by guesses, assumptions, the modelling of primary role models, and instinct…all of which have a tendency to make us take everything very personally and trend towards thoughts like ‘It’s because I’m not lovable’ ‘It’s because I’m not good enough’ ‘It’s because I’m not smart enough.’

How Does 123 Living Help?

This program makes space for you to be honest with yourself and with me – nothing can change if we don’t have that.

This program will help you answer, once and for all, that nagging question: ‘Is there something wrong with me?’

And I promise, if you are, in fact of that tiny percentage of people who struggle with personality disorders like sociopathy or narcissism or borderline personality disorder etc., this program is still going to give you the ability to understand yourself well and to make choices about how you show caring for yourself and others that prioritize genuine respect and kindness.

In fact, this framework and set of tools that I want to show you is just what you’ve been looking for to help you feel like less fake, and more real, in every area of your life.

And just imagine for a moment how that would feel…

Why It Works

Over the last 27 years as a specialist in this field I’ve helped many people with those problems to find peace and happiness in life.

I’ve helped many people overcome anxiety disorders and post traumatic stress disorder – and all the nasty coping strategies that you might cling to to get some small relief from the chaos and stress you feel inside and around you.

In my professional experience, until you’ve actually given yourself a chance to learn the basics of life and test drive some functional approaches to problem solving and getting what you need, you cannot say with confidence what kind of mental health problems or disorders or what have you, are genetically you, vs. just learned coping strategies that have outlived their purpose.

And I can tell you that, in 27 years as a support person, I can count on one hand (with a few fingers left over!) the number of times a client of mine had a true personality disorder.

Far more often what they thought was evidence of them being crazy or clinically depressed or damaged somehow beyond repair, was actually, really, a confused stress and coping response.

And once they learned the steps of 123 Living, the unwelcome behaviours – and all the icky stressful feelings that accompanied them – vanished.

But you don’t have to take my word for it. The natural byproduct of you using the tools I teach is that you’ll have the answer to this in just a few months!

Years of worrying and wondering – done. Replaced by clarity and solutions that work.

You’ll find out quickly and with confidence if you need medication or other support if you are in that percentile whose chemistry is genetically wired differently. And if so, you’ll know which kind would be best and you won’t judge yourself for it – you’ll get on it and you’ll use the tools I teach you to make your healing journey even easier and faster!

So if have any doubts about wanting to truly know yourself and see yourself as you are, don’t sign up for this program about how life works and how you need to work within it to be your best self!

If you’re not ready for that – then I’m not the right person for you at this time.

The tools I teach you, right from the start, will illuminate the truth, and there’s no going back – you can’t un-see reality.

So, any doubts?

I recommend that you bookmark this page and come back if you feel differently down the road. Even if that’s 10 minutes from now or two years. I’ll be here.

Remember…if you’ve learned anything in the last few minutes, it’s that you’re not doing yourself any favours when you do the ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ thing. That only ever turned you against yourself, made you more anxious, and gave people the wrong idea about who you were. So no more of that.

Trust yourself to want to be your best self. No pushing required.

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